unintended ignorance...

I’ve always wanted to remember all the memories in my life. Yeah. i mean all. the hell yeah! and hell nooo! ones. But i was oblivious to keep my eyes and my heart open to those which back then i thought insignificant (in my life and that affect others). i happened to ask myself, why can’t i not at least remember the event ‘she’ mentioned? Or was i foolishly being ignorance to the people around me? Of how they felt and what they thought. (And worst, i don't know what was i thinking back then.)

I want to say to all the honourable people who have walked, or still walking, or just passing by or maybe just peeped into my life that...

I AM SORRY.

I am sorry for the memories which i clumsily ignored.

I am sorry for being inappropriately unappreciative for the memories that are completely gone no matter how much i try hard to catch it.

I am sorry for the thoughts of my unbearable and disgraceful mind of ignorance of those beautiful memories you have kept for many many years thinking it was beautiful AND I WASN’T THINKING THE SAME. 

I am sorry that i am not the person like you who is constantly being aware of your surroundings, friends, and the atmosphere. 

I am sorry for i had mistreated any of you (some of you, or all of you) that always think i am a good friend. I am not.

I am sorry for who i am that makes you feel unbearably hurt and thwarted.

i purposely write this for i realised one thing that ‘Sharifah Bazilah’ mentioned in her blog. I realised that my significant memories might not be the same with other’s even though that person has the same occurrences of events which i was one of the characters. 

And somehow i feel really really bad for i wasn’t being able to appreciate or at least see the same thing she feels (of going out and hanging out together). 

Once i read her entry, i was thinking why that particular event doesn’t come and make sense to me at all? At least a little bit here and there. But none. 

What i think is significant to me might not be a yes to others.

What i feel is not important to me might be important to others.  

Thanks to all of you who always be there when i need you.

Thanks to all of you who always and still believe that i can change the world.
Haha. (that’s sarcastic, really). And i know i can’t.

Thanks to those who has been supporting me and accept me for who i am. (even though you know i’m not a good friend).

Thanks to all of you for every moment that made me laughed, cried and sobered and everything you’ve given me. Cause you made me stronger. =)

Thanks to all of you who take me for who i am and love me for who i am not.

Thanks to whoever you are. You know when you know.

Allah's Gift : Alhamdulillah...

ALHAMDULILLAH...

i just checked the result and i was confused at first.

then siti, my roomate ASSISTED me to comfirm the result.

and...

i was trembling and knelled down saying

"Alhamdulillah... u have granted my wish."

 PMS : 4.0

I owe a great bunch of thanks to all my friends and my parents for all the help and support they gave me..

to: 

Siti Khadijah Kamaruzaman

Shazwani Adnan

Nurul Insyirah Abd Razak

sharifah Bazilah Syed Burhanudin

Farah Illyana Azmi

Mohd Ezarul Hisyam Abd Ghani

.

.

.

 and to all of my friends who has been helping me with notes, and all the handouts. 

This is all OUR hardworks.

I pray that all of you will achieve success in everything you do and receive abundant of happiness throughout your life.

i love you all.

and 

.

.

.

  

I LOVE MY PARENTS. 

THANKS FOR YOUR CONTINUOUS PRAYER FOR MY SUCCESS.

AND THANKS FOR BELIEVING IN ME.

THANK YOU ALLAH.

A Tear and A Smile-Khalil Gibran

I would not exchange the sorrows of my heart For the joys of the multitude. And I would not have the tears that sadness makes To flow from my every part turn into laughter. I would that my life remain a tear and a smile. A tear to purify my heart and give me understanding Of life's secrets and hidden things. A smile to draw me nigh to the sons of my kind and To be a symbol of my glorification of the gods. A tear to unite me with those of broken heart; A smile to be a sign of my joy in existence. I would rather that I died in yearning and longing than that I live Weary and despairing. I want the hunger for love and beauty to be in the Depths of my spirit,for I have seen those who are Satisfied the most wretched of people. I have heard the sigh of those in yearning and Longing, and it is sweeter than the sweetest melody. With evening's coming the flower folds her petals And sleeps, embracing her longing. At morning's approach she opens her lips to meet The sun's kiss. The life of a flower is longing and fulfillment. A tear and a smile. The waters of the sea become vapor and rise and come Together and area cloud. And the cloud floats above the hills and valleys Until it meets the gentle breeze, then falls weeping To the fields and joins with brooks and rivers to Return to the sea, its home. The life of clouds is a parting and a meeting. A tear and a smile. And so does the spirit become separated from The greater spirit to move in the world of matter And pass as a cloud over the mountain of sorrow And the plains of joy to meet the breeze of death And return whence it came. To the ocean of Love and Beauty----to God.

Rambai, here i come!

yes! dh dpt kunci bilik. 

but it was 66 stairs all together. it's like being in the upmost tower in the castle. And it's like Rapunzel, Rapunzel. 

ngehee..

and did i mention the room is messy? yeah. so called reban ayam. thrashes n plastics were all over the place. and my mirror was not attached to the wall. gggrrrr.. 

but ct said, "ok ape, awak xpayah nk jengket, nanti tak nampak pulak..". and that's very true though. so, never mind. 

we have come into conclusion that...

it's not going to be today.

Maybe this afternoon or tomorrow we'll set the place neat and tidy. and begin our journey hiking "The Palace of Rambai"!

 

It's gonna total workout everyday to the end of the semester and of the whole 6 years.

and it's gonna be tiring of all the workloads and etc....

and it's gonna be a memorable semester of 

love and friendship..... 

NEW YEAR RESOLUTION?? Naaa....

HELLO 2011, GOODBYE 2010!!

penatnyer.....! 

alhamdulillah selamat sampai terminal sg. nibong pukul 4.15am. dengan bus shamisha  yg sejuk tahap xingat sampai ke tulang. duk senget, xkene. duduk lurus xkene. pusing punya pusing, sipi2 nk jatuh dr seat. walaupun single seating, tapi dapat seat 2nd last. imagine dengan bus driver yang bawak macam pelesit dalam hujan ye. bukan itu je, dengan terlanggar batu ke lopak jalan ke  ape ntah, sampai melambung org2 dalam bus. SO, cmne nk tido kalo xselesa?? (tp tertido gak la... ngehee..)

dan disebabkan tertido itu la, wa punye tengkuk xbrapa nk waras. dh tu? xkan xtido satu malam kot?? kan? ha.. 

sampai2 je, terminal gulap gulita don.. huhu. only few people, actually there was only 7 people waiting. diorg sampai awal la tu. so, kene la tunggu Mohd Ezarul Hisyam, Siti Khadijah dan Shazwani.

Pukul 5am. Ezarul Hisyam kata "lambat ckit, bus mcm rosak je.. jem!"

Siti kata"Dh sampai dh, mana awak?"

Sy kata"dekat bawah pokok tepi gate terminal."

Siti: okeh, kita tunggu wani. dia pun dh sampai dh.

Wani: hai korng.. awal gila eh aku sampai. kul 3am. xde org, jadi aku tunggu kat dalam surau.

Sekarang mana mamat si ezarul hisyam.. lambat lagi ke..

Zarul: dh gerak dh, atas jambatan ni ha.. sabaq no..

so dia sampai kul 5.30 camtu, ingat nk balik naik taxi sekali, tapi ada nazi, xmuat la keta.. jd dia balik ngan 2 org kwn lg.. sy, wani n ct naik taxi yg berharga RM15yaw! tapi adat la tgh2 pagi buta.. 

sampai je rambai, tgk2 ramai maknusia tgh tgu bertenggek di lantai kerana...

PINTU GATE KUNCI!!

yezza... pintu kunci.. okeh.. then let's go to PALA!! i have the key... hehehe..

ha, kenapa harus ke PALA? kerana sehari sebelum itu, kami telah dimaklumkan oleh SEORANG AGEN YANG BIASANYA SAMPAI AWAL yg bernama..

"NURUL INSYIRAH BT ABDUL RAZAK".

Berita yang telah disampaikan yg lebih kurang berbunyi begini..

"ct, bilik korang ngan bilik aku tak boleh bukak. aku mula2 bukak bilik aku, pastu xleh bukak. aku pun ingat nak amik kunci bilik korang, nk tumpang, tapi bilik korang lagi FATAL.!!Kunci pun xleh nk masuk, jadi aku tumpang bilik ahlam dulu."

itu la dia beritanya..... sebab tu kitorang duduk kat mana? kat UMAH WARDEN PALA...

huhu.. dh setel semua kat umah warden, kibas2 tilam, tepuk2 bantal... yeah... TIDO TIME!!

bangun2 dah pukul 9.50 itupun terkejut sebab pintu ditendang oleh LOOI CHIEW HUEY sebab bila dia gode gode, pintu xleh bukak. memamng la xleh bukak... kitorg dh kunci dr dalam.. sebarang tapak kai n kasut semuanya kat dalam umah.. whahaha.. xpe, dimaafkan jika kes begitu terjadi.

disebabkan punggung dan belakang masih lenguh2, kami pun sambung tido lagi.. sehingga..

"korang.....! hehehe.."

"eh, akak...!"

kak farah dtg untuk amik barang.. borak2, sharifah pulak datang nak amik barang...

kitorang?? haha.. relak dlu brader.. nak hangkut pun nak letak kat mana?? 

pastu, kitorg tido lagi.. smapai la "Allahuakbar Allahuakbar".

huhu.. Asar sudah.. disebabkan masih "hari jepun", wa xamik pusing sgt.. tapi terasa pening2 lalat.. tgk kiri kanan, ceh, ct ngan wani pun tido jugak.. hahahha.. baru tak jeles.. (sbb kadang jeles tgk org steady je xtido, aku tido je..) 

so, basically, 2011 now, today is not a very hectic day.. hahaha.. tunggu la kau bila time ngemas nanti.. turun tinggkat 2, naik tingkat 3!! weeehuuuu!! kalo xkurus lagi, xtau la.. jin lemak apa la kat dlm bdn ni. hm. so that was it. i have nothing to do right now, and still wondering if tomorrow can be a holiday.... hmmm... BERANGAN TAK INGAT!!!

i have no new year resolution yang nak dicapai.. just hoping for a better year to come and a better me. nothing much.. tahun2 sudah pun takde azam... xtau nak berazam apa.. 

hahaha.. i'm not that so futuristic girl anyway.. =p

Ahlam said: Be nice to me 2011.

ME say: sekejap je ni nak habis 2011.. tup tap tup tap dah 2012.. hmm... ( wat a very not-future teacher to be....) =(

adios for now.. bubbye..