Monday, January 17, 2011

unintended ignorance...

I’ve always wanted to remember all the memories in my life. Yeah. i mean all. the hell yeah! and hell nooo! ones. But i was oblivious to keep my eyes and my heart open to those which back then i thought insignificant (in my life and that affect others). i happened to ask myself, why can’t i not at least remember the event ‘she’ mentioned? Or was i foolishly being ignorance to the people around me? Of how they felt and what they thought. (And worst, i don't know what was i thinking back then.)

I want to say to all the honourable people who have walked, or still walking, or just passing by or maybe just peeped into my life that...


I am sorry for the memories which i clumsily ignored.

I am sorry for being inappropriately unappreciative for the memories that are completely gone no matter how much i try hard to catch it.

I am sorry for the thoughts of my unbearable and disgraceful mind of ignorance of those beautiful memories you have kept for many many years thinking it was beautiful AND I WASN’T THINKING THE SAME. 

I am sorry that i am not the person like you who is constantly being aware of your surroundings, friends, and the atmosphere. 

I am sorry for i had mistreated any of you (some of you, or all of you) that always think i am a good friend. I am not.

I am sorry for who i am that makes you feel unbearably hurt and thwarted.

i purposely write this for i realised one thing that ‘Sharifah Bazilah’ mentioned in her blog. I realised that my significant memories might not be the same with other’s even though that person has the same occurrences of events which i was one of the characters. 

And somehow i feel really really bad for i wasn’t being able to appreciate or at least see the same thing she feels (of going out and hanging out together). 

Once i read her entry, i was thinking why that particular event doesn’t come and make sense to me at all? At least a little bit here and there. But none. 

What i think is significant to me might not be a yes to others.

What i feel is not important to me might be important to others.  

Thanks to all of you who always be there when i need you.

Thanks to all of you who always and still believe that i can change the world.
Haha. (that’s sarcastic, really). And i know i can’t.

Thanks to those who has been supporting me and accept me for who i am. (even though you know i’m not a good friend).

Thanks to all of you for every moment that made me laughed, cried and sobered and everything you’ve given me. Cause you made me stronger. =)

Thanks to all of you who take me for who i am and love me for who i am not.

Thanks to whoever you are. You know when you know.

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